I am often asked, "How do you do this project?" There are two types of questions. Some people want to know about my emotional state. Others want to know technical questions.
The first group asks, "How do you spend so much time around grief?" They want to know why I do not get depressed spending time with families who have suffered tremendously. Well, I get really sad. Sometimes I question myself and wonder if I appreciate my children enough. I wonder if I am too self-righteous. I wonder if I am doing enough. Or too much.
These mothers and their families have also become my friends. I grieve for them. If someone photographed me, you might see tears too.
Mother of an Angel - Process - Images by bryan farley
But I am also energized by them. Members help themselves and others and the people lift my spirits. They have changed my life forever. I am grateful to share their stories of recovery and healing and hope and help.
Increasingly, people are asking technical or logistical questions. The mothers ask before most shoots too. Often I tell the new mothers that we might be creating something new. We don't have any set rules.
In short, I am not a fly on the wall, but I do not pose people either.
I interact with the mothers and families. I talk. I ask questions. I eat meals with them. I know their stories.
During each shoot, I often start shooting as soon as possible. I want everyone comfortable with the camera, including me. Usually, one of the veteran mothers introduces me to a new mother and explains her perspective. Now in the second year, the mothers have seen my work and know about me. I do not have to earn their trust about my photography skills the same way I may have needed to in the beginning. The mothers are also always grateful that I am willing to spend time with them.
Having experienced loss myself, I understand their isolation a little. We even discuss isolation during the photo shoot. I ask other questions while I shoot. I may ask what the group means to the mothers or how they found the group. I ask about their child. In case a reader is wondering, I do not know if I ever ask details about how a child dies, but I am willing to listen. This conversation happens when it happens. As much as people say, "death is in the details," once someone dies, I do not think the details of the death matter so much. Yet, I might photograph the skateboard the child was riding when he died.
Sometimes I don't talk much and I just watch. I often photograph Martha Tessmer talking with one of the mothers. Sometimes a couple mothers join. Usually I follow closely. I ask nearly every mom to show me their tattoo. Or, I ask a sister or ex-wife. Besides that, I create space for the mothers to honor their lost child.
I am experienced using the auto focus feature so I can hold my camera away from my face and often get the photo I want. I use one of the focus points that lets me focos to the side; sometimes I miss. I manually set my ISO, F-stops and shutter speeds, so it helps that I am paying attention from the beginning, and constantly watching light.
Because I shoot throughout, I have also noticed that the order of the photos show a powerful story. Emotions change quickly... and the emotions continue to change. Usually, when I edit photo stories or slideshows, I change the image order to tell a good story. With the Mother of an Angel project, I have kept photos in their original chronological order.
I hope that my involvement will help others understand how small intimate communities help each other. I also want to show that sometimes photographers must become part of the story to make something visible, even if this means our involvement changes the story.
Below is the list of all the posts from the last two weeks.
I believe most, if not all, of the moms feel the same way I do. But, I will speak only for me. I see and feel the emotion you experience when you are with us. I recognize that your projects you give us are not "fun", but at the same time we do have fun. We can have fun because we can be ourselves and remember our children in a safe environment. We are free to release with you. That's only because you are an incredible person. We all know you've suffered terrible loss, as well. But you never lead us to believe that you think you know how we feel. That works both ways. Our small community is blessed to have you a part of it. I want to be there for you as you have for me and my fellow travelers. God Bless You.
Posted by: Kimberley Libecki | September 05, 2010 at 10:33 PM
Thank you Kim.
When I first started the project, I really did not think much would happen. I thought I would take a few photos, and just find a way to honor you and the families. I did not want to intrude, but I wanted you to know I cared.
I am amazed that I have gained so much and been so lucky. I think I told you what tattoo I would get if I were to ever get one. "Super Lucky." It is how I feel. Somehow, something awful happened to me, and yet, I have been super lucky to have found your amazing group.
I also wish that I could have posted more. There were plenty of drafts that did not make it into the final posts... plenty of stories, just like the photos that did not make it. I will save some of my stories for the next round.
Posted by: bryan farley | September 08, 2010 at 07:50 PM
Hi,
I completely agree with Kim that not all, but most of the mother's feel the same way as you have mentioned here. You have worked on a great project. I can imagine how much time it takes for you to completely this single project. Good work and best of luck for your future.
Posted by: Tim | September 18, 2010 at 12:49 AM