Trauma affects people emotionally. Traumatic events also affect people mentally. Some things just do not make sense. Humans can start questioning themselves. Denial becomes logical. A person seeks connections anywhere. Belief systems are shattered and rearranged.
Take for instance the events of April 18th, 1906. In San Francisco, the ground shook, buildings collapsed, and water mains broke. Somehow, San Francisco survived the earthquake, however, the city was destroyed by the fire. Almost ninety percent of the entire city burned. How did this happen? How do we live knowing this could happen again at any moment?
Eighty six years after San Francisco's great earthquake and fire, Lisa Wiley had the best day of her life. Lisa Wiley's twin children were born on April 18th, 1992. On December 7th, 2008, Lisa Wiley's life changed suddenly. Her daughter died. Two memorable days of American history are forever linked to her daughter. I have often wondered how ordinary people make sense of personal events when they occur on days associated with historical tragedies. Does this help give context? Does it help explain the unexplainable?
(Launch slideshow) Mothers of an Angel 6 Lisa - Images by bryan farley
When I was a child, my grandparents would tell me stories about December 7, 1941 and the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. My grandparents never forgot the day. Their generation never forgot it either, though they tried. The bombing rearranged their lives. For decades after Pearl Harbour, our country was collectively traumatized; we never recovered from the shock. My grandparent's generation has been called the Greatest Generation; they have not been called the "emotionally evolved generation."
I wonder how my grandparents would have reacted to September 11th.
I also wonder if my grandparents would have planned a celebration on September 11th to honor the 16 Clovis East High School students who have died since the school opened?
Perhaps.
Lisa Wiley's daughter is the 16th. All the families deserve recognition, but 9/11 is complicated. While Lisa Wiley is grateful there is an event; she probably would have chosen a different date. Now that she has lost someone tragically, she is even more aware what families lost on September 11th. And of course, September 11th is another one of those historical days linked to her daughter. Is someone trying to tell her something?
Originally, I was going to write my post about coincidences. There are so many with Lisa's story I could have written for hours. I was going to write about how I met Lisa's boyfriend the week before at the Woodward Park Amphitheater concert. I wanted to tell about the incredible coincidence that brought Lisa to the Mothers of an Angel network, but I think Lisa tells the story better. I was going to write about how Lisa has been a committed community member and a wonderful mother. These stories help me believe there is a greater plan, except there is also her daughter's unexplainable death. All of these events both comfort me and confuse; they challenge my belief system.
But I returned to writing about historical dates, probably because five years ago today, Hurricane Katrina struck land. Another coincidence.
Many people have tried to explain Hurricane Katrina as a failure of the American Government. Some claim that the situation revealed our history of racism and classism. All of this could be true. But I think there is something deeper. Something more personal about how our culture confronts tragedy or becomes lost in the inability to calculate the cost of loss. If we cannot make sense out of the loss of one life, how can we explain the loss of hundreds or thousands?
It seems that our society wants to celebrate life... often after people have died. I find this, at best, a half-hearted effort at healing. It seems that we want the easy way out. We want self healing tragedies, whether they occur in a Clovis home or the 9th Ward.
We want our healing Isolated. Or with a parade.
It does not work that way. In Lisa's photos, you may notice she smiles and celebrates her daughter's life. At the end of the slideshow, she smile's genuinely with her boyfriend Charley (better known as Gnarley Charley from 93.7 FM).
But she also weeps. She weeps for herself. She weeps for Alyssa's twin brother who is growing up without a twin sister. She weeps for people I do not know.
And she celebrates.
But too often, Americans have not healed from previous surprise attacks, so we are unprepared when people are waiting for help while a howling wind moves towards them. Sometimes, Americans must do more than plan celebrations. We cannot wait for the next Mardi Gras.
In Lisa's photos and the photos of other mothers, I find hope. I find a lesson. We can celebrate their painful parade. They share their loss. They help themselves and each other. Their loss is deep; their celebrations are real.
When I am with these women, I also remember another historical figure. Mary Todd Lincoln was often considered insane or mentally ill or depressed. Maybe if she had a group like the Mothers of an Angel she might have tolerated the loss of her child and her husband and the tens of thousands of soldiers that we lost during the Civil War.
Maybe... then again, some things cannot be explained.
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