More Than Kids

Writing Quest - Martha Tessmer, Mothers of Angels

Below is the thirtieth in my 31 day writers series; each day I feature a different person and ask three similar questions about a person's writing process. Today I am posting responses from Martha Tesmer from the Mothers of Angels group. Martha started the organization after her teen-age son died in an automobile accident. I photographed the group in August. For more background, you can read my previous post.

I met Martha last August through a common friend. Our friend Kim belongs to Martha's Mothers of Angels group. When I photographed the families last summer, I realized that I could not judge the quality of my photography. The story was bigger than anything I did with my camera. When I read Martha's writing, I feel similarly.

Some stories are bigger than the communication method. Martha's willingness to share her struggle exceeds grammar or punctuation. Martha has experienced pain that many parents fear. For those of us who consider ourselves people of faith, she has been tested in a way that many only contemplate. Yet she moves forward with conviction. Not blind faith. Powerful conviction. She has the conviction of a mother who lost her 16 year old son.

In some ways, Martha's story is a challenge to many of us, whether we celebrate Holy Week or not. Her story challenges us to ask difficult questions. How do we keep our Faith when we are tested? How do we help others so that our community can be stronger? How do we serve those who are suffering?

Often, we help by sharing our story. Recently, Martha was recognized as a Hometown Hero; she will probably receive other awards. These awards trouble Martha, which is one reason she will continue winning them. She doesn't help people so she can win awards... and everyone knows it. That is why people want to celebrate her.

the photos below are from my august photo shoot

Martha Tessmer Mother of Angels - Images by bryan farley

 

1. Why do you write?

I write to share the depth of my feelings that are so difficult to convey in face-to-face conversations. When talking to someone in person, I let my insecurities overreact to their reactions, or lack of reaction. Since what I have to share touches the deepest areas of my heart, I am very sensitive to whether or not the recipient of my words is interested or not.  Any hint of a lack of interest becomes hurtful and shuts me down immediately. The freedom I found in doing a blog was unexpected. My first blog authoring experience was a result of Impact Teen Drivers asking me to share my grief journey after being personally affected by distracted driving through the loss of my 16 year old son, Donovan. The program had already included a video segment of my son’s story in their classroom video at http://www.impactteendrivers.org and a lengthier version in a personal story at http://whatdoyouconsiderlethal.com/the-vids (click on Donovan’s car).  But the message I shared in the video was mixed with others and abbreviated. So the chance to share my heart more fully through blogging interested me. As I began writing, I found that I could freely express what I felt without concern of being interrupted or ignored. The freedom of being able to sit and let not only the words but the tears flow brought newfound peace.  I now use blogging as an opportunity to share with others a comparison of what life can be like and what it can become within a second of time.  My blog entries are intended to share my tragedy as well as my grief journey so as to expose this side of life without the reader’s having to experience it firsthand. My blog can be read at http://impactteendrivers.org/blog

After becoming aware of the opportunity for sharing that blogs provide, I also started one as a family website.  After 3 years of not celebrating the holidays without my son, this last Christmas found me creating a blog to catch family and friends up on what had happened as well as what was happening in the Tessmer family. This too brought a step in healing as I shared not only our tragedy but what we have been able to do to honor Donovan’s life as well as his death. Blogging became my outlet for telling the stories that people in our lives may only know a part of. Upon completion of http://tessmertimes.wordpress.com, I felt a completeness in having finally brought together the multi-faceted journey my family is still travelling.

2. What motivates or inspires you?

My motivation comes from wanting to help others learn from the tragedy that we have experienced.  Donovan lost his life through a series of preventable actions by teenage friends as they drove home from the movies.  The driver chose to drove so fast she lost control of the car and the passengers chose to wrestle around over some food/drink causing them to forget to put their seatbelts on.  The result was my son being robbed of a life he had so carefully created and was anxious to live.  So I hope to touch the lives of teens so that they can see how bad things happen to good people who simply make a bad choice while in a vehicle.  In addition, my blog is intended to reach out to adults who have suffered a similar loss or who are supporting a family who has.  Giving a glimpse of “life after the funeral” will hopefully make all the readers understand the permanent effects of a moment of poor judgement.

3 How do you get past writer's block?

If I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, I just envision someone I care about sitting in front of me and then write as though I was sharing my message in person.  My blog is intended to feel like a conversation that we may have in which I’m sharing my experiences as well as my feelings.  If I have something to say to a teen, then I picture one of my son’s closest friends sitting in front of me.  If the message is intended for an adult, I think of a mother of one of his childhood friends who seen Donovan grow up in front of their eyes then attend his funeral with their own child beside them.  My words are never intended to be fancy, only sincere.  So the vision of someone I sincerely care about makes the words come easy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Martha is recognized in more news sites, I will try to add more links. Feel free to add more links in the comments section below..

thank martha

 

 

 

 

 

 

Open Heart Writing - Garbe and Gravatt

Below is the twenty-ninth in my 31 day writers series; each day I feature a different person and ask three similar questions about a person's writing process. This post features two musicians. I met both at the Concert for Epilepsy while I was in Washington, D.C.

Wil Gravatt operates Gravatt Entertainment the entertainment company who helped Chad Barth organize the benefit concert. As soon as I met Wil, I knew the production would be successful. Will is both professional and personable. I wish I had the chance to work with him more often.

Wil is also a D.C. area country singer. His band, the Wil Gravatt Band, played before Trailer Choir. I keep singing his tune Somebody's Romeo. (You can listen to a Vimeo video here.) Between sound checks I photographed him on the tenth floor at 101 Constitution Avenue. Even before I took the pictures, I knew we had some good shots. I included a couple in the slide show.

During the event, I met Janet Emma Garbe. Janet is a singer and song-writer who pours herself into her lyrics... and I am guessing, everything else she does. In 2009, Janet was nominated for three Wammie's. I photographed Janet with Wil together during the concert.

Janet is one of those acquaintances who seem to know me better than someone should, probably because she has spent much of her life learning and writing about herself. I love Garbe's three answers below, especially to the writer's block question. She contemplates how blocking love and blocking pain can be related to writer's block. In some way, that started my project more than a month ago. I had been blocking love and pain. Lastly, I think she coined the term for the next year's writers project -- Bryan Farley's Writing Quest. It sounds organic. 

I hope I see both of them before next year.

Gravatt and Garbe - Images by bryan farley

The poet's aswer's follow. To hear her voice, visit her website and listen to some clips of her music. 

1. Why do you write?
As a kid, I adapted to very stressful or traumatic situations by entertaining folks by talking, being funny, disarming, whatever it took. I became the Chameleon with the "Gift" of Gab. Talking became a survival mechanism. It was not designed, in my young experience, to allow me to express myself or my feelings. It was a tool that was used to ward off danger, and, very often, to camouflage fear. As I grew into and adult, I became painfully aware of this "gift", but had learned at an early age that a few shots of something strong and some comic relief, "rescue monologue" (when trapped with people who had nothing to say or who had adapted to their own fears by drifting into a lifetime of anxious QUIET loneliness) or even self deprecating chatter, could at least partly camouflage growing self loathing.

In my thirties, my marriage began to suffer and I found that I was easily made to feel cornered and confused the moment voices became sharp or were raised in debate or argument. I found it harder and harder to make sense of conflict with spoken words, or to feel capable of expressing anything that made sense or was understood. Spoken word, the raft that had rescued me from the sharp rocks and threatening rapids of my dysfunctional family life as a child, was no longer proving a life preserver for me into adulthood. In fact, I felt I was being flung into the river and could not catch my breath.

Anyone who has ever written or expressed anything worthy of experiencing knows that perception is what comes before expression. Sometimes we only have time and energy to perceive what threatens us so that we may use our energy to preserve ourselves...to survive. We perceive what we allow ourselves to perceive. As a youngster who perceived danger all around, I filtered what I heard and saw and listened to. That "skill" proved less than useful in development of "listening" skills over time, and it has required effort to relearn to "listen" more openly and to more than just what is perceived as threatening. Great writers are great "perceivers" of the human condition and/or of nature. I was blessed with substantial intelligence, and keen senses beyond simple hearing. But developing into a more skilled and less fearful listener has proved a worthy challenge, and one I will continue to develop all my days.

I had always written around my darkest or most profound, life changing moments. I had tried this sort of silent "speak", this way out of what was inside without anyone hearing me get out. There was something comfortably anonymous and safe about getting the thoughts, the feelings, the dread, or the hope out of me and into the light without anyone being able to challenge or contradict me on the spot or convince me that what I thought, felt, or saw was irrelevant, ridiculous, stupid or impossible. Somewhere along the way, it started to make it's way onto paper without my permission or concerted effort. Once or twice along the way, my writing made it into the hands and eyes of a kindred spirit, and connections were born.

Music was my "drug" of choice from and early age, and even more so when I abandoned mood altering substances to try to avoid certain institutions, insanity or death. Music became my savior. How ironic it was that the first time I lifted my VOICE, the same voice that hated itself for the noise it made...once I lifted it in song, whether with my own vulnerably scribed lyrics or those bravely spilled by someone else, I found a connection with what I now believe to be God.

Now, in music, my secret, my writing, my escape, has found a partner in crime! What better way to fly away than on the wings of a song! The release is there for me now. But make no mistake, it can be a painful process...a stretch of sorts...to put my guts to paper, my insides, my visions and secrets and hopes...the same ones that I had once felt so exposed and vulnerable for...to choose to lay them out in the open. And as crazy as it sounds, the key for me now is not only to put the words to paper, to find them a home in a melody, but then to stand, emotionally naked, in front of friends and strangers, lovers and haters, and SING them. "SING". The word alone seems an impossibility to me, still. I have been singing my songs on stages everywhere for almost 12 years, and I still cannot believe the miracle in that. I am a "songwriter". A songwriter. The only voices I could hear in my darkest hours were those of songwriters. They were the "Gods" to me. God still speaks to me through them. Clearly. Acutely. Cuts through. Punches me in the sternum with a minor chord and a confession. And every time I lift my voice and sing the written word, it is nothing short of my prayer.

2. What motivates or inspires you?
Everything. All is useful. Loss. Gain. Sadness. Joy. Heartbreak. Joy. Belly laughter. Hope. Despair. Depression. Darkness. Light. Balance. Contrast. Breakage. Healing. Children. Elderly. Bored people. Nature. My dog's unconditional love. My children's love. My children's hatred. Anger. Forgiveness. Death. Birth. Photos. Visions. Love. Empathy. Compassion. Giving. Taking. Starting. Stopping. Letting go. Holding on too tightly. Looking back. Looking forward. Living in the Moment. Tears. Salt. Oceans. Distance. Rage. Sorrow. Grief. Exhaustion. Failure. Success. Rain. Floods. Sunshine. Clouds. Storms. Farms. Eyes. Windows. Wood. Stone. Iron. Grass. Leather. Horses. Kites. Sky. Earth. Color. Sepia. Black and White. Do you have all day? A year or two? A lifetime?

3 How do you get past writer's block?
Sometimes I don't. For a while. Sometimes I have to accept that I am drained for now. That I gave it all. Sometimes, just when I've given up, accepted I am no writer, the words come. They breathe. They move. They ask to be free. They make it to paper. Sometimes I am..um.. lazy. I refuse to let them out. I promise I'll remember them and let them out later. I forget them. They hate me for that. But they get over it. Sometimes someone asks a question and the answers come. And they surprise me completely. They were in there all along, but they surprise me. Sometimes resentment finally makes it way to the surface. Other times Love trumps all and pure joy floods onto paper. Those are not always the most compelling pieces. Sometimes the pain is what resonates. With others. Humans, I mean. Sometimes pain is what we want. Sometimes pain is ALL we want. So we let the minor chords knock the breath out of us and we inhale words of despair. But then sometimes we can only dance. Sometimes words are simply overrated, even on paper. But sometimes, they connect us. Writer's block feels fatal sometimes, just like when we block love, or the sun. But sometimes "writer's block" is nothing more than the place we go to allow ourselves to discover what we know that calls (or cries) out to be written.

Links:Wil's Band: (that is Wil, not Will Gravatt) - Wil Gravatt Band
Gravatt Entertainment- Producers of a variety of live entertainment, including the Gaylord Inaugural Ball

Janet Emma Garbe - Washington Area Recording Artist

National Walk For Epilepsy 2010

On Saturday March 27, 2010, I attended the National Walk for Epilepsy. Several thousand people gathered on the National Mall. Greg Grunberg, star of the television show Heroes, chaired the walk for the fourth consecutive year. Three NFL players attended, as did Miss DC International.

This was my first National Walk. I wanted to attend last year, but I wasn't ready to "talk about it" until September. Once I started, my life changed. Even my health improved dramatically. At this year's event, I photographed the walk and the Concert for Epilepsy the previous night. (click the concert link for those photos.)

National Walk for Epilepsy 2010 - Images by bryan farley

Someone asked if I enjoyed meeting the "stars" like All-Pro Football Player Alan Faneca. I did. I really liked Jason Snelling of the Atlanta Falcons and Geoffrey Pope of the Eagles. I also enjoyed meeting actor Greg Grunberg, but not because they were "stars." I enjoy meeting people. I enjoyed meeting the Epilepsy Advocates and the other people who are usually only recognized by friends and family. On the National Mall Saturday, we all recognized something familiar about each other.

Open Heart Writing - Alysse Mengason

Below is the twenty-seventh in my 31 day writers series; each day I feature a different person and ask three similar questions about a person's writing process. On the second day of this project, I introduced Lisa Bolan, who is the Senior Editor of the Epilepsy Foundation of America. Today I am writing about another person I met through the epilepsy community.

Alysse Epilepsy Walk - Images by bryan farley

I met Alysse Mengason through the Epilepsy Foundation's e-community site. Our communication has been limited to electronic discussions, but today I expect to meet her in person at the National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington D.C. After I get home, I hope to post some photos of Alysse, her husband and their four year old daughter. (see above) At the least, I will post photos from the march and the Trailer Choir benefit concert.  

Here are the Trailer Choir concert photos, from the Concert for Epilepsy. Here are National Walk photos.

I encourage you to read Alysse's story. Her experience demonstrates how suddenly life can change. Alysse and her family show how change can become positive.

After reading her answers, please visit her blogs.

1. Why do you write?

When it comes to Epilepsy advocacy and support, I am motivated to write because I think those of us in the Epilepsy community have so much to share and we can provide so much support to each other. For the last few years, I have been baffled by the few sites there really are for those of us who live each day with this disease. And, as I get deeper into the blogging experience, I can see that there are others who share this feeling. Writing about Epilepsy and my personal experience with it is both helpful to me medically (I am a journalist by trade), and also an outlet. We all know that seizures have a profound effect on our cognitive skills and our memory, I never want to lose my ability to tell a story.

2. What motivates or inspires you?

That's an easy one! I'm inspired by all those, like me, who live with this disease, and also those who have lost loved ones to it. It amazes me each day when I read someone else's story who has been dealing with Epilepsy. We are not alone...none of us. So, I'm inspired by the fact that we can unite and actually do something to raise awareness and erase the stigma. As for writers who motivate me, I am an online junkie! I read so many blogs and websites each day. I love meaningful writing that also has character. You can't take life all too seriously! I'm a Mom to a toddler, so I admit...the 'Mommy sites' are a draw for me: www.dooce.com and www.thepioneerwoman.com are two of my favorites. And, these ladies are very good writers to boot!

3.How do you get past writer's block?
I keep a journal of ideas for my blog, and the blog I signed on to do at www.everydayhealth.com. I admit, sometimes I worry that when I do suffer from writer's block, it's due to my seizures. Many times, readers who contact me give me great ideas, and I collect ideas from news stories on Epilepsy, I also am in contact with a few neurologists who make great suggestions. I truly believe we are all so hungry for news on Epilepsy, so the ideas just seem to flow.

Alysse Mengason: personal epilepsy blog

Everyday Health Blog: Personal Look

Post script: Just returned from the event. We had a great time, and I haven't even downloaded the photos. I have finally met Alysse in person... and her husband and cute little kid. After talking with her, I returned and read more of her blog and decided to write a little more.

At the Everyday Health Blog listed above, Alysse has written a couple compelling articles. First, she has recently started contemplating a centralized e-communitysite for those living with epilepsy. Whether this happens or not, I believe this is something for us to consider, or at least, how can start asking how we can be most efficient. Our community does not divide under some usual political or religious or gender or regional or age or racial differences so it is especially important for us to find a way to become a community. We can't waste time fighting over gay/straight or fundamentalist/atheist/mainline/jew/muslim/.../or black/white or old/young or ... the list is too long to continue listing or to continue fighting about for us. 

Alysse also wrote another article about switching medications and the side effects created by each new drug. It is interesting how common this experience has become for those of us with epilepsy. Some people, like Alysse, are allergic to medications. It seems, I was allergic to shame, and since I have been honest, my health has improved dramatically. I wonder how often I blamed my medication for my moodiness or behavior, and I was just in a bad mood. Perhaps those of us who walked should give our meds some credit, because I think most of us were in a pretty good mood.

bf

Chad Barth Concert for Epilepsy

On March 26th, 2010, Chad Barth organized the 4th Annual Chad Barth Concert for Epilepsy. The concert benefited the National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington, D.C. Each year, Chad's concert has raised more money than the previous year.

Concert for Epilepsy (click to see larger images)- Images by bryan farley ... (and just posted on April 15, the new "Full Chad Barth" with more than twice as many images)

As a person with epilepsy, I was grateful to everyone who helped. People gathered to support those of us affected by epilepsy either directly or indirectly. The location illustrated our behavior. We were ten stories above the Capitol building; we were also above politics, at least the way that politics is often practiced. I wish those who usually fight across the street had attended our event. We were just people; people helping each other... people helping folks like me.

As a photojournalist, I am forever spoiled. I photographed three musical groups from sound check to concert's end. I even photographed Trailer Choir as the band watched their new music video on a laptop computer. Earlier in the week, Trailer Choir filmed their new video Rollin' Through The Sunshine while in Los Angeles. They left Los Angeles for Florida to perform at Major League Baseball spring training games. The band flew to D.C. for our concert.

In the past, being a photographer or photojournalist with epilepsy might have created obstacles. At this event, I had unusual access, By arriving hours early, I was also able to meet all the musicians. I also shared my story and thanked them. While some musicians might be inconsiderate and selfish, the people I met were sincere and polite. They were also committed professionals who cared about their audience and their craft.

Besides the headliner, Wil Gravatt and his band were awesome too. Another local band Rebelicious opened. After the concert, Rebelicious left to Nashville with a possible hit song called Chasin' Mason. I loved this song even before I realized the lead singer and I both have a son named Mason.

Click the next link to see the larger Trailer Choir only slideshow.

Click here for the National Walk for Epilepsy slideshow.

For those of you who were there, please distribute this link. Please comment below. Let the band and the larger community know you appreciated their help. Also, please thank the many corporate sponsors.

To those who missed the event, expect the 5th Annual Chad Barth's Concert for Epilepsy to be even better!.

bf