Below is the thirtieth in my 31 day writers series; each day I feature a different person and ask three similar questions about a person's writing process. Today I am posting responses from Martha Tesmer from the Mothers of Angels group. Martha started the organization after her teen-age son died in an automobile accident. I photographed the group in August. For more background, you can read my previous post.
I met Martha last August through a common friend. Our friend Kim belongs to Martha's Mothers of Angels group. When I photographed the families last summer, I realized that I could not judge the quality of my photography. The story was bigger than anything I did with my camera. When I read Martha's writing, I feel similarly.
Some stories are bigger than the communication method. Martha's willingness to share her struggle exceeds grammar or punctuation. Martha has experienced pain that many parents fear. For those of us who consider ourselves people of faith, she has been tested in a way that many only contemplate. Yet she moves forward with conviction. Not blind faith. Powerful conviction. She has the conviction of a mother who lost her 16 year old son.
In some ways, Martha's story is a challenge to many of us, whether we celebrate Holy Week or not. Her story challenges us to ask difficult questions. How do we keep our Faith when we are tested? How do we help others so that our community can be stronger? How do we serve those who are suffering?
Often, we help by sharing our story. Recently, Martha was recognized as a Hometown Hero; she will probably receive other awards. These awards trouble Martha, which is one reason she will continue winning them. She doesn't help people so she can win awards... and everyone knows it. That is why people want to celebrate her.
the photos below are from my august photo shoot
Martha Tessmer Mother of Angels - Images by bryan farley
1. Why do you write?
I write to share the depth of my feelings that are so difficult to convey in face-to-face conversations. When talking to someone in person, I let my insecurities overreact to their reactions, or lack of reaction. Since what I have to share touches the deepest areas of my heart, I am very sensitive to whether or not the recipient of my words is interested or not. Any hint of a lack of interest becomes hurtful and shuts me down immediately. The freedom I found in doing a blog was unexpected. My first blog authoring experience was a result of Impact Teen Drivers asking me to share my grief journey after being personally affected by distracted driving through the loss of my 16 year old son, Donovan. The program had already included a video segment of my son’s story in their classroom video at http://www.impactteendrivers.org and a lengthier version in a personal story at http://whatdoyouconsiderlethal.com/the-vids (click on Donovan’s car). But the message I shared in the video was mixed with others and abbreviated. So the chance to share my heart more fully through blogging interested me. As I began writing, I found that I could freely express what I felt without concern of being interrupted or ignored. The freedom of being able to sit and let not only the words but the tears flow brought newfound peace. I now use blogging as an opportunity to share with others a comparison of what life can be like and what it can become within a second of time. My blog entries are intended to share my tragedy as well as my grief journey so as to expose this side of life without the reader’s having to experience it firsthand. My blog can be read at http://impactteendrivers.org/blog
After becoming aware of the opportunity for sharing that blogs provide, I also started one as a family website. After 3 years of not celebrating the holidays without my son, this last Christmas found me creating a blog to catch family and friends up on what had happened as well as what was happening in the Tessmer family. This too brought a step in healing as I shared not only our tragedy but what we have been able to do to honor Donovan’s life as well as his death. Blogging became my outlet for telling the stories that people in our lives may only know a part of. Upon completion of http://tessmertimes.wordpress.com, I felt a completeness in having finally brought together the multi-faceted journey my family is still travelling.
2. What motivates or inspires you?
My motivation comes from wanting to help others learn from the tragedy that we have experienced. Donovan lost his life through a series of preventable actions by teenage friends as they drove home from the movies. The driver chose to drove so fast she lost control of the car and the passengers chose to wrestle around over some food/drink causing them to forget to put their seatbelts on. The result was my son being robbed of a life he had so carefully created and was anxious to live. So I hope to touch the lives of teens so that they can see how bad things happen to good people who simply make a bad choice while in a vehicle. In addition, my blog is intended to reach out to adults who have suffered a similar loss or who are supporting a family who has. Giving a glimpse of “life after the funeral” will hopefully make all the readers understand the permanent effects of a moment of poor judgement.
3 How do you get past writer's block?
If I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, I just envision someone I care about sitting in front of me and then write as though I was sharing my message in person. My blog is intended to feel like a conversation that we may have in which I’m sharing my experiences as well as my feelings. If I have something to say to a teen, then I picture one of my son’s closest friends sitting in front of me. If the message is intended for an adult, I think of a mother of one of his childhood friends who seen Donovan grow up in front of their eyes then attend his funeral with their own child beside them. My words are never intended to be fancy, only sincere. So the vision of someone I sincerely care about makes the words come easy.
As Martha is recognized in more news sites, I will try to add more links. Feel free to add more links in the comments section below..
thank martha